HomeWhere to start

A gentle guide

Where to start

Death touches everyone differently. These are starting points — not prescriptions. Use what helps.

First 24–48 hours

If someone just died

You don't have to do anything immediately except be present. If the death was expected and at home, you have time. If it was sudden or unattended, contact emergency services. There is no rush to call a funeral home in the first hour. When you are ready, here are some services that may be helpful:

Planning ahead

If you're doing this while you're healthy

The greatest gift you can give your family is a clear record of your wishes. An advance directive, a will, and a list of your accounts can save months of difficulty. You don't need an attorney for all of it.

After the death

If you're in grief

Grief has no timeline. A grief counselor or death doula can provide structure when everything feels formless. Many offer sliding-scale sessions. You don't have to be in crisis to seek support.

Honoring someone

If you want to create a memorial

Meaningful objects and rituals help. A handmade urn, a memorial portrait, an ash pendant — these are ways of keeping someone present. There is no right or wrong way to honor a life.

Reading room

Books worth reading

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
Caitlin Doughty
A mortician's memoir that demystifies the funeral industry and encourages a healthier relationship with death.
The American Way of Death
Jessica Mitford
A sharp critique of the US funeral industry — still relevant decades later.
Being Mortal
Atul Gawande
A physician's honest account of how we die in America and how to reclaim agency in the process.

You don't have to do this alone.

Every provider listed on CodaCo has been vetted. If you're not sure who to contact first, a death doula is often the right starting point — they can help you figure out what else you need.